How I went from contentedly divorced to happily married

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Steve and I re-met 8 years ago. I say re-met, because I knew him in high school.

It was the early 90’s, he was good mates with my high school sweetheart and we were all busting moves to Michael Jackson at bad taste parties. Plenty of my friends were disco pashing his friends – but I never disco pashed Steve.

Back then, Steve was a big hunk of spunk and I was, well, lets just say…mousey. I am little, with mousey brown hair and mousey brown eyes. Your average girl next door. My nickname was even Mouse.

About ten years later I remember a moment whilst standing in mum’s kitchen. By this stage of my life I had been divorced for about two years. I was the only divorced human being I knew – a little pity party of one. As far as I knew, I was the only loser who couldn’t keep their marriage intact. Mum said to me over a sink full of soapy dishes, “Remember your old mate Steve, I ran in to him down the street. He has separated from his wife. I think he’s having a pretty tough time.”

My first reaction was, “Awesome! I am not the only loser going round.”

Not my finest moment.

My second, much stronger emotion was – sadness.

Everything I knew about Steve was that he was a good, caring person. I knew, first hand, the hell he was going through – and I wouldn’t wish it on anyone.

Divorce is a lonely, shameful, dark place. I wanted to reach out to him and say, “I’m here. I know you. I know how much this sucks.” But I didn’t know how. I thought it would be a bit stalkery-weirdo to call him up out of the blue after all these years and say, “Want a shoulder to cry on?”

So I didn’t call.

Many months later my high school sweetheart rang and invited me to a party in the city. He was, and still is, one of my best friends. He was also still mates with Steve.

When it came to blokes and romance, this stage in my life was… how should we say it…uneventful. When I left my husband I left with the view it was me and the kids against the world. To be completely honest, I suppose I didn’t believe someone would want a 30 something year old mousey-girl-next-door and her two little cherubs.

I was also feeling very content. I had purchased a little white house and a little white car (both of which were less than desirable, but they were mine). I was in charge of my own happiness –  and that was the way I liked it.

As it turns out, Steve was invited to the same party.

I was standing at the bar holding my pink coat and a near empty glass of wine, when Steve walked in. He flashed me his trade mark grin and said…

“Another wine? And I’ll take that for you…”

Steve carried my pink coat all night…until 5am, when the bar shut and he stood with me in the fog and waited until I got safely in a taxi. We sat – propped on two bar stools sinking white rum – and talked all night long.

He must have needed to talk. I must have needed to talk. Or maybe it was the Bacardi. It doesn’t really matter, because we have been talking ever since (ok, ok – I do more of the talking, but you get what I mean).

The courtship with Steve was fast. It was fast because there was no bulls@#t. When you are divorced and have small kids, no one has time for bulls@#t. We both felt strongly that if at any point we thought this might not be a forever gig – we would bail.

Steve is my opposite. Steve is calm and predictable. I am like a box of chocolates – you never know what you’re gunna get. Steve stops and talks to strangers at the supermarket checkout. I am usually pissed other people have the audacity to slow down my shopping experience.

It doesn’t matter – because it works.

Somehow, out of all the chaos and heartache that was my divorce, I found the reason I had to go through it. I never predicted this ending for me. I couldn’t have, because I didn’t know it existed.

Steve and I were married on October 30, 2010 under a big white marquee in our paddock. It poured rain all day – to the point the dance floor became a mud slip and slide. But nothing could dampen my spirits. It was the day we officially became a blended family. It was the day the mousey girl-next-door landed the kind, caring hunk of spunk.

I wish I could go back and tell my high school self this is how it would all work out. I can’t – so I will tell you instead.

If you are in the middle of any kind of s@#t-storm right now, take it from me, everything happens for a reason. If you stay positive and open, good things come (sorry for the cliché – but it’s a good one).

And guess who the best man at our wedding was?

My high school sweetheart.

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Steve and his best man – my high school sweetheart!

Blend it your way,

Leese (Mouse!) x

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13 thoughts on “How I went from contentedly divorced to happily married

  1. It certainly is not a pity party – you go girl, you and your little family deserve this moment of happiness. A big ps..just love reading your stories i see life in a very different colour thanks to you. xx

  2. Lisa I’m loving your blogs!! I never went through a divorce because for whatever reason I decided I was too young so I had the baby and eventually we separated . I had to go through all of the single mother with a daughter jokes, the small town frowns, the judgements and pity and I would do it all over again because on the other side of it all was of course daughter of single mother Kyrah , we met max and together had millie ! We are a great family with faults but mostly we think we are ok. So much love and laughter and of course tears and a few cross words but that’s family! I love getting a big postie wave from Steve daily and I often see you about the town laughing and smiling. I love that Bohdi has kept with his music and includes us dillmacians in all his achievements. That’s family ! Keep those blogs coming girl and our town is blessed to have you blended bookends in our community!!

    1. Love, love, love your comments Liz. You guys are such great role models for blended families with your beautiful girls. I love how you talk about the faults – I have lots of those posts coming lol. Bodhi’s passion for his music wouldn’t be what it is without Dillmac – we are very grateful. He just got his first real gig – he’s bursting with excitement!
      Thanks again for such kind words 🙂 Oh, and I have been thinking about doing a storey on The Gift….what do you reckon?

  3. Hey Lisa,
    My name is natalie. I just read your gorgeous blog. I did my Deb with Steve. Fabulous human.
    Your nickname was mouse. I played netball against a mouse. Was this you?

  4. We all still believe that when we commit to someone it is forever and when the forever does not happen it is an event which changes our view of ourselves and the world. I have not remarried ( I am also nearly 60) and even though there are times when it would be nice to have someone to share parts of my life with I am happy to be alone to choose to do the travelling and not have to share my family. Having a strong friendship network to support and encourage the divorced or widowed person is really important when the loss happens. Many people ( young and older) make choices to alleviate the pain during this time which compounds their pain……and this includes getting into more destructive relationships . I am in the process of setting up a conference on “well being” for people which will cover the loss and grief which divorced , widowed etc are affected by. One of the issues which is often not discussed is people keeping healthy at this time- including both emotional and physical as people with draw from those around them and do not continue with a social and physical life. I hope your blended family grow healthily together…. And your insurance policy is part of that.

    1. Such wise words Carolyn. I agree, ones physical and emotional health during periods of loss is often the last consideration. Your conference sounds wonderful. Make sure you put up the details as they come to hand 🙂

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